The Old Woman of Haunted House

Written by Judson Fountain

Judson Fountain: Johnny, Molly, Pop Serriano, and the Old Woman
Sandor Weisberger: Announcer and Johnny's father
Bill Apter: Tom

Sanders Recordings LP 714, New York, 1969
transcribed from LP by Don Brockway

(SFX - Phone rings twice; phone is picked up)

Johnny: Yeah, who is it?

Tom: (On filter) Hi, it's me, Tom.

Johnny: Yeah, Tom, what is it?

Tom: I just called to ask ya ... are you really going to go through with it?

Johnny: Sure I am. I told you so, dit'n't I?

Tom: Yes, Johnny, I ...

Johnny: Now look, I don't need any advice from you!

Tom: Well, I just thought that maybe I could ...

Johnny: I know what you thought ...

Tom: Well ...

Johnny: You're wasting your time. So long, punk, I've got things to do.

(SFX - Phone hang up)

Now to get out of here before anyone else calls.

(SFX - Door opens, footsteps on stairs)

Dad: And where do you think you're going?

Johnny: Get out of the way, Dad, you know where I'm going.

Dad: So you're leaving. Running away from home. Why, when I was your age (waits to be interrupted)

Johnny: Don't start that 'when I was your age back in the old country," Dad. Thing have changed. I'm eighteen years old; I can do what I want! I'm not running aray [sic] from home; the laws change. I'm on my own.

Dad: LISTEN! Even though I'm your father, I hate to say it about my own son. But you're a mean-evil-vicious kid. You'd better repent of your evil ways! There's a God above, and he's got his eyes on all of us. I can tell ...

Johnny: (interrupting) Oh, knock it off, Dad. I don't want to hear any preachin'; I know how holy and righteous you are. Don't give me any sermons, just let me ...(waits to be interrupted)

Dad: All right now, you just shut up a moment. Yes, I try to be a good man. I try so hard to be better than anyone else. But I'm going to tell you something you don't know about me ... something that will shock you beyond your wildest dreams.

(Break character but continue speech rhythm without pause)

Sandor Weisberger: Hello out there in Radioland. This is Sandor Weisberger. Perhaps many of you listening in now remember the radio program Judson Fountain brought to you, called House Of Death.

Well, Judson wishes to thank all of you, of all races, and even our Puerto Rican Friends, both adults and teen-agers, who complimented that program. Because Judson believes that "Radio was where talent really is." And it's the best and everybody's medium. Because it lets you use ... your imagination.

So for all of you who heard that program and wanted another good ghost story, and for you who are listening in now, even if you didn't hear that story ...

Get set ... because right now ... Judson Fountain brings you another chilling ...

(SFX - cheesy female screams; baying wolves)

... thrilling tale of suspense ... and ... mysssss ... stery. And we want all of you to stop what you are doing right now. And do as many of those who heard House Of Death did.

(SFX under - Wavering, theremin-style tremolo)

Turn off allllllllll the lights.

(SFX under - Dogs barking)

And be completely in the dark, as we bring you this brand-new radio drama ... The Old Woman of Haunted Howwwwse.

(SFX - More screaming, more weird tremolo)

Johnny: All right now Dad, whas that story you were gonna tell me?

(SFX - out)

Dad: Allright. You always thought your mother died. Well, she didn't. Before you were two years old, she left me. Because I worked with Pop Serriano. I know you don't know about him. But let me tell you. He was about the meanest cold-blooded man I ever knew. (Pause) There also was a notorious gun moll called Molly. She was trying to take over the little town Pop Serriano controlled. And he knew it. I cadaremember [sic] it just as if it ... if it only happened last night.

(SFX - under - sirens)

Pop and I was hiding out with the loot we got from the bank job. No one knew where we were hiding out except our boys, who were supposed to get their share later. (Pause) The minute Pop heard the police cars ...

Pop: The coppers are comin' for us! Someone blew the whis-soe! But I'm not afraid of dem, they're sissies! Hey you cops, come and get me! This is Pop Serriano talkin' to you. You're all sissies; you can't get Pop Serriano! You can't get Pop Serriano; you're all sissies! I can excape [sic] from anywhere!

Dad: (To Johnny) Well ... Pop not only could ... but did. I can deremember [sic] when we were drivin' along in the car, Pop said ...

(SFX - Car interior)

Pop: (Long pause) No one knew where we were except the boys! They didn't squeal! They want their share! They wouldn't dare squeal on Pop Serriano! There's only one person in my oper- ... There's only one person who would - Molly! She's been tryin' to take over my operation.

Dad: Yeah, I heard that, Pop. She found out some way ... we'd be ... wh-where we'd be!

Pop: ... And she blew the whis-soe! No one blows the whis-soe on Pop Serriano. Now I'll tell you what I want you to do! I want you to go to Molly!

Dad: But Pop, I hear she's tough!

Pop: She's tough? She's only a woman. I'm tough. I'm Pop Serriano. Do you hear me? I'm Pop Serriano! Now, you go to Molly, and you tell her that Pop Serriano say [sic] he's comin' after her! Because he knew she blew the whis-soe!

Dad: All right, Pop, I'll go to Molly and tell her just what you said.

(SFX - Car interior up full and out)

(To Johnny) Well ... I did go. The minute I told Molly what Pop said ...

Molly: That's right, I did blow the whis-soe, so what ... I'm Molly.

Dad: Well, he's pretty angry, Molly. He said he's goin' to get you for blowin' the whistle!

Molly: Now he did, did he? Well you go back and tell that old man that Molly said, he better go and get his mother. And tell him forget I'm a woman; if he wants to rumble, come on over! And bring his mother, too! I'll mop the floor up with both of them. And you can also tell him this: If he starts makin' any insultin' remarks, I send him this little poem:

You can talk about my sister,
You can talk about my brother.
But when you talk about me,
You talk about your mother.

Dad: Well, that's kind of rough, Molly.

Molly: I intended for it to be rough; I'm rough. I'm Molly. You tell that old bow-legged knock-kneeded [sic] old foss-owe that I'm Molly! And Molly blew the whis-soe!

Dad: Well, I'll tell him, Molly (leaving scene, voice fades), but he won't like it.

(To Johnny) Well, I did tell Pop. When I told him ... I remember him saying ...

Pop: I'm Pop Serriano! Do you hear me? I'm Pop Serriano! And nobody talks like that to Pop Serriano! My old man wouldn't e'en talk like that - he'd be too scared!

Dad: Well, Pop - what are you going to do?

Pop: Can't you guess? She blew the whis-soe. No one blows the whis-soe on Pop Serriano. Do you see this phone? I still got connections. I'll have her taken care of NO! I'll come back to her myself. Pop Serriano will take care of this himself.

Dad: OK, Pop. (Pause) I hope you know what you're doin'.

(To Johnny) Well, that's all I know. Did you ever hear of Haunted House?

Johnny: Yeah, I've heard of it. It's a li'l after you come out of the woods.

Dad: Yes! There's an old woman who lives there. They call her - the old woman of Haunted House. She has a strange, queer voice - and people think she's not human. No-boty [sic] goes there. Folks are too scared. Some - who went near there especially at night - said they heard strange noises. And saw strange creatures going into the house. But one thing is agreed upon: nobody good ever enters that place. Only a very wicked, cruel, evil person. And they never is seen again after they enter that place. Molly went there. And Pop Serrianto [sic] followed her there. And they were there. They were ... and you were only two years old! Now you're eighteen now, and no one has heard from either one since.

It scared me so bad - I repented! That's why I do so much good now! Because I know that the wicked is punished; and don't fool yourself about these gangsters and people livin' it up big. (Pause) Some are so scared, why ... I ... if you knew the fear that they lived in, and how they suffer secretly (catches breath) ... you won't want to be like them.

Johnny: Very pretty li'l sermon, Dad. Now, if you don't mind ... um ... (footsteps) I've got to go somewhere.

Dad: So you're not going to listen! I know about you beating up those kids; robbin' them of their money; stealin' their cars; sellin' them ... so you're not going to listen!

Johnny: All right Dad! Being's you know so much about me, I'll tell you what I am going to do, Dad.

I'm going to Haunted House. That old woman there must have a few thousand hitten [sic] around the house. If she doesn't give it to me, I'll beat her black and blue.

Dad: No, Johnny! You're goin' to your death! No one has ever left that house!

(SFX - footsteps)

Johnny: So long, Dad. I'll drop you a line when I get the old woman's money.

Dad: No, Johnny, come back! Come BACK! (fades out)

Johnny: Ah, good, now, ah, here we are. Gee, what a ghostly-lookin' old house. I'll knock on the door.

(SFX - five knocks)

Hah, gee, that's funny, I don't ... I don't hear any crickets like I did when I got out of the car. There's no noise out here at all. Well, doesn't matter.

(SFX - five knocks)

(continuing) Really doesn't matter, I ... oh, come on, hurry up, you old hag! I want to get your money and blow this joint.

(SFX - four knocks. The huge door creaks open slowly)

Old Woman: (High-pitched; drawn-out wavering whine) Good evening, young maaaaaaaan.

Johnny: Oh, no. A horrible voice and a horrible lookin' old hag.

Old Woman: What did you saaaaaay?

Johnny: Oh, er, ah, nothing, uh, look, I, I got lost in the woods; I wonder if I might come in - just to have something to eat?

Old Woman: Of courrrrrse. I don't have many vis-it-tors; come on innnnnn.

Johnny: Thanks.

(SFX - door creaks again)

All right! Now we're miles away from the city and people, no one can hear you. So don't cry out. Now you see this? If you don't know what it is, I'll tell you. It's a gun. Now, old things like you always have money hitten [sic] around the house; I want yours.

Old Woman: You wooden rob an old woman, would yooou?

Johnny: (Sneeringly) Well, I'll tell you ... hag. I've robbed boys younger than I; stole cars and sold them. I could give you a life's history about me that would shock you. So robbin' an old hag doesn't mean any more to me than what I've already done. So come on now, where's the money?

Old Woman: (Shrieks with delight) AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah! I've been waitin' a long time for someone like you. Look at me ... Look at meeee!

(SFX - Harp glissando)

Johnny: Hey ... hey what's the matter with your eyes, they're ... they're growin' [sic] with a strange bluish light ... I can't move!

Old Woman: Look at meeeeeee ...

(SFX abruptly ceases)

AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah! What's the maaaatter? You can't moooove? You can't talk? It's 11:30 now; I'm goin' out to get my friends - they'll be here at mitnight [sic]! Don't go waaaaay!

Johnny: Hey! Hey, come back! Please come back can't you hear me? Can't you hear what I'm thinkin'? Please! Please come back! Plum back [sic] please please please come back (fades out)

Hey, I ... I can move my li'l finger a li'l bit now, I ... (sigh) I can, uh ... (sigh) I can move my fingers, I (sigh) I can roll my eyes, I ... I can see the clock on the wall ... it ... it's almost mit-night [sic]. I can move my lips, I ... I can ... I can ... (sigh) ... I can talk ...

(SFX - footsteps)

I can walk, I ... I've got to get out of here!

(SFX - Footsteps, door rattles)

The door ... the door, it's locked. I ... oh-oh no. The old woman! I ... I can see her from the window and ... what are those terrible things with her? I know ... I know what I'll do, I'll ... I'll hide upstairs, she'll ... she'll think I'm gone.

(SFX - Footsteps up the stairs; creaky door opens)

Now ... Now I'll chain and bolt the door ...

(SFX - Chain and bolt)

And now ... now she'll think I'm gone.

Old Woman: (Calling out) Boyyyyy? Boyyyyy, are you up therrrrrre?

Johnny: It's the old woman. And maybe those things, I ... I won't answer.

Old Woman: Boyyyy? My friends are here with me. They want to talk to you! Listennnnnn!

(SFX - Wolves howling/ human screaming, then under for:)

Listen! Do you hear them?

(SFX - low, guttural growling; the weird tremolo effect)

Johnny: Oh, no. Now, what are those things? What are those things?

(SFX - out abruptly; replaced by slow, deliberate footsteps)

Old Woman: (Still calling out) Boyyyyy! We're coming up the stairrrrrs!

Johnny: No ... no ... no, they ca ... they can't! Oh, no. No.

(SFX - louder now)


(SFX - footsteps stop. Three knocks on the door)

Old Woman: (close by, now) Boyyyy! Are you in therrrrre? We want to come innnnnn!

Johnny: No, I ... I won't answer ...

Old Woman: Boyyyy! We're coming innnnnn!

(SFX - female scream, low growls, under for:)

Johnny: Hey! Hey, what's that noise?

(SFX - Harp glissando)

Hey, there's that strange blue light again. Hey! That old woman and those things ... they're coming right through the door, as if they dittint [sic] exist!

(SFX - weird tremolo again)

Old Woman: AAAAAAAhhhhhh - haaaaah!

Johnny: No! Stay back!

(SFX - Really nasty growling noise)

Uh! Stay back! Keep away from me! Keep away from me!! Keep away from me!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

(SFX - ugly growling noise; tremolo; then new rising tremolo effect to high note, which carries under the following:)

Sandor Weisberger: You have been listening to The Old Woman Of Haunted House.

Written and directed especially for radio by Judson Fountain.

I, Sandor Weisberger, played Johnny's father.

Tom was played by Bill Apter.

And Johnny, Molly, Pop Serriano, and The Old Woman were played by Judson Fountain.

This is Sandor Weisberger, again saying we hope you all enjoyed this radio drama, and thank you ... again ... for listening in.